Ask Sokka and Toph
by Carrot-Bunny
Summary: Sokka and Toph are here to answer all your questions, whether it's about love, school, friends or what to eat for breakfast! In today's column: Lin's dating opportunities, whether your guy friend's flirting with you or just crazy and how to avoid this column from getting deleted! Follow advice at your own risk (especially Sokka's). (Hey!)
1. Column 1

Helloooo people and welcome to our new column 'Ask Sokka and Toph'! This is the place where you can get the chance to kick back, relax and, um…

**Ask Sokka and Toph.**

Right, that's it! So anyway, if you didn't know already I'm Sokka, and this here is Toph, and we're going to answer your letters here! Yup, we'll be replying just about any question you throw at us, so bring it on and – Ow, Toph what was that for?!

**When Snoozles says we'll be replying any question you send in to us, he forgot a few details. We do have our own limits to exactly how much we're going to share with you guys – for example, if I get any idiot asking for the gazillionth time who Lin's father is I'll rockalanche him into next month, so don't get any ideas. And contrary to what the summary says, I really wouldn't advise asking what to eat for breakfast tomorrow, because I didn't sign up for this thing to argue with Sokka on the virtues of pancakes versus cereal.**

No, you're here because you're bored stiff with waiting for the next Legend of Korra season to air so you dragged Carrot away from her manga-reading to start a new humor/parody fic because that's pretty much the only interaction you're willing to have with the fanfiction world.

**More or less. Now before Sokka gets into another of his lengthy explanations again, we'll give you an example of how things here will be done, with a letter kindly contributed by Carrot's no-longer-eleven sister. Basically, the letters will be in italic, like this:**

_Dear Sokka and Toph (or Toph and Sokka, whatever suits you, I don't care),_

_What should I do if someone who I don't really like in a 'like' sort of way shows signs of actually liking me? You know, as in 'like' liking?_

_Yours sincerely,  
Kawaii-Aang_

**Then Sokka and I will answer: his replies are in normal font while mine are in bold. And in case you're wondering how I can write this without be able to see, I'm using a voice recognition input system we installed into Carrot's laptop using a plot hole and a screwdriver. That's all I'll tell you.**

Great, now can we get to the answering already? First of all, Kawaii-Aang, what's with that name? And second, of course it should be 'Sokka and Toph' and not the other way around, this is the 'Ask Sokka and Toph' column after all!

**First of all, it's not our job to question every name we come across in the letters, and besides, so what if she thinks Twinkletoes is cute? And you're just trying to make the most of having your name first after what happened during the AtLA Awards.**

Well, duh! I already said back then my name should come first, but then you guys threatened to replace me with Momo if I didn't shut up! Anyway Kawaii (I can just call you that, right? Because Kawaii-Aang is a bit of a mouthful), if you don't have any romantic feelings for that guy but you think he might feel that way about you, then just make it clear that you want to be friends and nothing more. I'm not suggesting you walk right up to him and yell the fact into his face, but don't try to lead him on by being overly close to him. Set some boundaries and use a bit of aloofness, and he'll get the hint.

**You told Aang to act aloof when he asked you for advice on how to chase girls. Isn't that sort of contradictory?**

Wait, how did you know about that?!

**I've been rewatching (in a manner of speaking) Book 1 since I've got nothing better to do. It's always fun to see how you guys struggled to survive before you met me.**

*cough*Narcissist*cough*. Well, that's the lowdown on how the show is run, and now it's your turn to write in! Send your letters to Carrot-Bunny's private messaging inbox on her profile and not through reviewing, for we don't want this fic to be deleted like the AtLA Awards, do we? Anyone without an account can submit questions through reviews, of course, but we give PMs top priority here!

**So go click on Carrot's penname at the top of the page to get to her profile, and start writing those letters! And by the way, any advice given here is followed at your own risk, especially Sokka's.**

Hey!

**Till the next column, guys! See ya!**

Toph, you'd better take that back or else – hey, who turned out the lights? Where'd everyone go? Guys? Hello?


	2. Column 2

_Well while I'm waiting for book 3 of LOK. ( Legend of Korra. ) I am wondering if Lin would be better single or paired up with Bumi what do you think? And is Tenzin the only guy Lin has dated? _

_-tophaintweak_

Dear 'Top-Hain-Tweak',

**Sokka, you're pronouncing it wrong.**

Well, it's all I can make out here anyway, unless you can see another way of saying it. Oh wait, you can't see.

**Har har. Look Snoozles, it's supposed to be 'Toph Ain't Weak', get it?**

Says who?

**Says Carrot, who makes more sense than you more than half the time.**

You really don't like me, do you?

**Nah, I just like degrading you. Anyway, tophaintweak, I'm sure my daughter would be just fine single, and definitely a lot better off than if she got together with any of Twinkletoes' kids, airbender or otherwise. And if you want my guess as to whether she might have any other boyfriends other than Baldie Junior, I'll just say that anyone who can nail defending law and order in a city full of triads definitely has no problem with dating either. Plus, she is my daughter after all.**

Actually, I think that if Lin had dated anyone else other than Tenzin, she wouldn't still be so hung up over him as seen in the first season of LoK. Except if she dated anyone before getting together with Tenzin, which may not be likely due to the fact that they must have known each other since childhood and been the other's first love, not to mention the whole I'm-still-upset-about-our-break-up thing mentioned above. But even if Tenzin wasn't Lin's first boyfriend, she was definitely serious about him and still cares for him a lot. And as for Lin and Bumi getting together, now that should make Season 3 more interesting if it did happen, and it'll take the romantic focus off the Mako/Korra/Asami love triangle too. Man, that one is really complicated.

**Even more so if you count Bolin. Hey, maybe now that Korra and Mako have broken up he might want to get another chance with her.**

Anything's possible at this stage. But basically folks, these are just what the two of us have to say on the subject of Lin's romantic life and may not actually end up as canon. Maybe Mike and Bryan never intended to have Lin find a new man at all, although it's not like that's going to stop the fanfiction community from pairing her with anyone else.

**Tell me about it; I'm just lucky I can't read any of that. Imagine if I have to know how my kid makes out with Zuko's grandson or something. **

Gross! Where did you get that idea?!

**When you're involved with this stuff, your mind gets affected. Same thing happened when we were reading the Companion, remember?**

Oh, right.

Love, Sokka and Toph

**P.S.: Does it have to end with 'love'?**

What? That's how letters are ended here. Just go with it, okay?

**Aye aye, Snoozles.**

...

_Dear Toph and Sokka,_

_How do I tell if guys are flirting with me, or just plain being crazy. My friends are all crazy, so it's hard to tell. Like the time one said I was more manly than one of our friends because I jumped over the couch._

_Feeling hopeful,_

_Digi-fan Capp._

Dear Digi-fan Capp.,

Jumping over couches? Try jumping from an airship to another instead – with a broken leg. Now _that's _manly.

**Ignore Sokka's reminiscing of his self-titled 'Most Amazing Cool Awesome Great Things I Have Done'. Honestly, I don't see how airship-hopping counts as 'manly', and also how complimenting someone's masculinity counts as flirting.**

Toph, you don't understand these things do you? Digi-fan, it is possible that the guy mentioned in your letter does have a thing for you, because unrelated remarks to anything you're doing might just be his way of getting you to notice him. Not to criticize you or anything, but jumping over a couch isn't exactly high on the list of manly deeds, so why else would he say that unless he wanted your attention?

**Or maybe he's drunk.**

…Okay, maybe that too. Are you guys even of legal drinking age?

**Never mind that. Look Digi-fan, the thing is Sokka could be right and he is trying to get you to like him, or it could be just another one of those wacky comments teenagers make. Trust me, as someone who's heard Aang's ramblings on cloud shapes loads of times, I know what I'm talking about.**

You know, usually teenagers don't ramble about cloud shapes. But anyway, since you did say that your friends are all crazy, Toph might have a valid point. The thing is, you guys are friends and if you read too much into everything he says things could get awkward for you two. If he does like you as more than a buddy, just let nature take its course and sooner or later you'll hear it straight from him.

**But if you don't, then he's not worth your time.**

Exactly.

Love, Sokka and Toph

...

_Toph, if you had run away from home when you were six, right after learning earthbending from the badgermoles, where would you have gone?_

_-gogglegirl_

**Dear gogglegirl,**

**I dunno, at six years old you don't exactly think much about leaving home and living somewhere else. I know I ran away and hid in a cave when I was a kid, which was how I met the badgermoles, but I never really intended to not go back then. Running away with Aang and his friends came six years later, after I'd already sneaked out to Earth Rumble Six, so it was just a step up from what I've done. That day when I was little was just the first step, you know, when I first realized I liked to get away from being a perfect little girl once in a while. If I really did leave home right after meeting the badgermoles though, I guess I would've lived with them; they were the first living creatures I'd met outside of home and I was comfortable around them, so it makes sense.**

Or she could've just run off to Ba Sing Se and finished Long Feng off so the rest of us would've had an easier job of it later on!

**Sokka, do you mind? This letter is addressed to **_**me**_**, remember? **

I know, I was just getting bored.

**Love, Toph** (and Sokka too!) **(Shut up, Snoozles.)**

...

_The writing quality is fine, but the following part of the Content Guidelines is broken if you use any review to guide this story so far:__Entries not allowed:__  
__5. Any form of interactive entry: choose your adventure, second person/you based, Q&As, and etc.__Here are four solutions to make this a rule-complaint story:__  
__1. Please make sure you accept requests via PM only.__  
__2. You can create a forum where you place the requests and people can submit and continue to interact as the story evolves.__  
__3. Please delete and repost while utilizing either Solutions #1 or #2. This is to remove the 'evidence' of your story being interactive to the admins. However, the more reviews you already have, the more reluctant you will be to do this. So do not push this one.__  
__4. Take it to a forum where the characters can interact and pretty much role play to their hearts content.__  
__Extra note: Just be aware that some reviewers are unaware, so chances are a bunch will still review with requests despite the way you get submissions. You might need to be advised of it.__Try to write one-shots around the letters that are bent sent to you via PM.__From: catspats31, Member of Eliminator (a group somewhat similar to Critics United)_

Dear catspats31 (do I have to add the stuff at the back? No, right?),

Well, Carrot did say we'd get something like this eventually. We never thought it would be this soon though.

**Wait, isn't this the same group that guy from the AtLA Awards came from? You know, that Mr. Perfectionist guy?**

Yeah, I think it is. Well then, since we all know each other more or less that makes things easier. We did state in the last column that PMed letters will be answered first, as demonstrated above with the first three letters, although we left yours for last since yours was kind of a last-minute addition to today's column. However, people without accounts on this site can't PM or submit forum entries, which is why we still left the review option open.

**Unfortunately, your group does have a certain degree of effectiveness, otherwise the AtLA Awards wouldn't have been deleted. By the way, you're definitely more polite than that Mr. Perfectionist. Thanks for the compliment on our writing, I was worried Sokka's replies would affect the quality of the column.**

Hey! Anyway folks, you've all seen the letter above, so if you don't want to see this column deleted as well then you'll just have to take the time to log into your account and PM your letters. Or get your own account, for those of you who don't have one. Won't be too much trouble.

**We hope this thing won't stop you from writing in though, because frankly I've never had so much fun since the time my metalbending school was almost set on fire.**

Don't ask about it, please. And about the whole 'no Q&A' rule, well, we're just fictional characters helping other people who may or may not be fictional as well solve their problems and answer their questions. So, no problem, eh?

Love, Sokka and Toph


End file.
